you guys were way drunker than both of me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
