mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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