Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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