You're my little dorito
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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