I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
