I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
