ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
