I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
