what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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