Just fell off a train. Bad.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
