His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
