he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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