dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
