I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
