I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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