I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
