I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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