My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
