How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
