today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
