Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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