hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
