i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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