he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
