There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
