I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
