went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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