addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
