and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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