So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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