she kept yelling 'call me bella'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need water and some morals
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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