I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
