My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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