Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize