i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
