I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
