Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
