I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize