Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
