Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
