i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
