In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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Naked. naked and bneed help.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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