you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
