Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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