walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
