laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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