I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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