We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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