i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
