Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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