I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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