i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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