They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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