I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
