he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
