im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
