The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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