I skipped work to stalk him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
