My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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