We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just pee around me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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