he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
