Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
