god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
