Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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