I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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