Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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