I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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