Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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