she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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