Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
